My obsession with the flap began my freshman year of High School. I was cast as Ursula March in our drama department’s production of Sweet Charity. In the musical, my boyfriend, Victor Victorio, was played by the drama club hottie, Chris Stevens. He was a junior at the time and I thought he was absolutely gorgeous. At first I felt completely awkward and intimidated around him, but that ended once I got to know him.
Chris was an uptight spaz, who could often make me laugh just by looking at him. He had a nervous habit of playing with the hair on the front, right side of his head. While pulling at his hair with two fingers, he would tilt his head and stare into space with a troubled and perplexed look. You could always tell how bad his day was based on the amount of gel left on the right side of his head.
During rehearsals some interesting information about Chris was brought to my attention. Chris was originally born in Canada. Apparently in many countries, outside of the U.S., circumcision isn’t common practice. When I found out Chris was uncircumcised it was all I could think about. I imagined and wondered how it worked and what it looked like. I wasn’t too crazy about the word foreskin and decided to call it “the flap” instead.
I went home after rehearsal that day, intent on finding as much information and detailed pictures as possible. While searching the internet, I came across my first imagines of the flap. This was when my obsession was born. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. I wondered what it felt like or how far it could stretch if you pulled on it. I imagined special tools would be required to properly clean it. I wondered if there was a flap cleaning kit or if an ordinary Q-tip could do the job. Questions and theories were racing through my mind.
Chris wasn’t exactly the type of person who felt comfortable answering questions about his penis. He was devoutly Christian and I had never heard a vulgar word come out of his mouth. I believe Chris was continually stressed due to sexual frustration. He was the type of guy who was probably too scared to even masturbate in fear it could be a sin.
In the beginning, Chris was somewhat patient and reluctantly answered my questions. I think he thought it would shut me up, but as soon as he answered one another quickly popped into my head.
Chris did clear up my cleaning concerns. Explaining, you just had to pull the flap back in the shower, soap it up, rinse it, and later pull it back again to dry it off. This fascinated me to no end and Chris’s obvious embarrassment only egged me on more.
His patience really began to wear and the right side of his hair line began to recede as my questions continued for the next two years. Poor Christopher, I never let him have a moment of peace. I just couldn’t help it. I was a girl possessed by an elusive phenomenon called the flap.
My attempts to find out more information became more and more desperate. Pictures just weren’t doing it for me anymore. I needed to see one in real life and Chris was the only person I knew who had a living, breathing flap right in his pants. I tried everything under the sun to get a glimpse of that freakin flap. I pants’ed him on a regular basis, pleaded with him continuously to show me, and finally tried hiding under a table in the boy’s dressing room, only to be scared for life by a lot of things I had no intention of seeing.
In one final desperate attempt I devised a master plan and got two of my friends, Stephanie and Lisa, to go along with it. Stephanie had a car, so it was her job to drive us over to Chris’s house. Once we got there Stephanie was to wait in the car while I spied in his window and Lisa stayed as the look out. We all got dressed in black and around 9 pm made our way over.
As Lisa and I crept around the side of his house, making our way to his bedroom, we could hear the faint sounds of a shower running. His lights were on and his blinds were up. His bedroom was connected to his bathroom and it appeared Chris was taking a shower.
“Oh my God! I think he’s in the shower!” I whispered in delight.
“Sarah, maybe we shouldn’t do this. What if we get caught?” Lisa whispered back; now realizing my plan might actually work.
“Calm down. We’re not going to get caught. Just keep a look out.”
The shower abruptly stopped. We both looked at each other in suspense. I peered in the window trying not to blink, but minute after minute went by and nothing was happening. I needed to get a peek in the bathroom window, but it was too high for me to reach. The idea that I might actually catch a glimpse of Chris drying off his flap propelled me to take action.
“I need you to prop me up so I can see into the bathroom window.” I said, already climbing on top of Lisa.
“Oh my God, are you kidding me?” Diane said, trying to shake me off of her.
“Just stay still. It’s the only way.”
I got on Diane’s back and tried to make my way up to her shoulders while holding the wall for support.
“You’re too heavy! I can’t hold you!” Diane pleaded, as my knee dug into her shoulder.
“You said you would help. Now stay still. I’m almost there.”
Suddenly we heard footsteps in the grass coming towards us. Through the darkness we could now see someone approaching. Lisa decided to make a run for it and bolted out from under me as I came violently crashing to the ground. When I finally gained consciousness, I found Stephanie standing over me.
“Are you ok?” She asked.
“I told you to stay in the car and if you needed us to beep twice! Now what are we going to do if we need to make a quick getaway?!”
“I got bored and I forgot if I was supposed to beep once or twice.” Stacey said confused. I realized I had picked two of the most useless individuals to carry out my plan.
“Great, well I hope you’re happy. Lisa is probably half way to China by now.” I sneered.
“Oh my God, there’s Fra…..” Stephanie screamed as I jumped on top of her, wrapping my hands over her mouth. I watched from under his window, crouched on top of Stephanie, with both hands over her mouth as she looked on in between my legs.
Singing along with the local Christian rock station, Chris walked over to his dresser with a towel around his waist. “This is it” I thought. The moment I had been waiting for, for the last 2 years! Just as Chris began to take off his towel, Lisa came screaming from the bushes.
“A rat! There’s a rat!!!” Lisa yelled, continuing to scream in horror as she ran to the car.
Chris looked out the window and saw Stephanie and I fumbling on top of each other trying to get away. Chris quickly tightened his towel and opened his window staring at the two of us in shock.
“Well, that’s the last time I let Lisa wonder off after dark.” I said as I bushed myself off and stood up. “Oh hey Chris, I didn’t know you lived here. What a coincidence.” I was hoping he was as retarded as Lisa and Stephanie.
“What the hell Sarah!”
Chris obviously wasn’t buying it. I knew he must have been pretty mad to use a word like hell and I had never seen him pull at his hair so violently.
“It was Sarah’s idea. She made us do it!” Stephanie yelled from behind me. I turned around and gave Stacey a “what the fuck” look and turned back giving Chris an awkward smile. He didn’t look amused.
“There is something seriously wrong with you!” Chris screamed in an angry, violated sort of way.
“First of all I didn’t put a gun to their heads. They were willing participants. And secondly, if you don’t want people looking at you, you should probably close your blinds.”
This seemed to enrage Chris. After years of questions, flap jokes, and sexual assaults, Chris had had enough.
“I can’t believe you! It’s obvious this was your idea and you can’t just walk up to someone’s window and look inside! It called trespassing and it’s against the law!” I didn’t think me looking in Chris’s window really warranted legal jargon.
“Whatever Chris. None of this would have happened if you would just show me your flap.”
“You’re sick! I’m not going to show you my penis and if I ever catch you doing this again I’m going to call the cops!”
“Okay, Chris.” I said mockingly.
In one last ditch effort I hurled my arm into the window and pulled off his towel. Chris quickly covered his flap with his hands and turned around exposing his bare ass to Stephanie and me. He was too quick for me to get a good look. I immediately sprinted back to the car and Stephanie followed.
Chris didn’t talk to me for close to a week. I’m pretty sure he never opened his blinds again and started showering in a bathing suit.
To my dismay, Chris eventually graduated that year. Even though I didn’t get to see him on a daily basis anymore, I made it a point to call him regularly about his flap. He also made it a point to hang up on me and eventually block my number.
A year later, I finally found another flap to pine after. I had almost given up hope, when I met Jorge the summer before my senior year.
We were on our second date, having a lovely dinner at our local Chili’s. Once Jorge said he was originally born in Argentina, I could only think of one thing.
In the middle of Jorge telling me about fleeing from his country to escape the plot of a family friend planning to kidnap him for money, I interrupted with sheer delight and excitement.
“Do you have a flap?” I asked, my eyes almost bulging out of my head.
I had done enough research to know Argentina was on my list of countries that rarely performed circumcisions. Jorge looked a little taken a back and reluctantly answered, “yes.”
I have come to know that although the word flap is a made up term, anyone who has one, knows exactly what I’m talking about.
Jorge looked uncomfortable, but I quickly reassured him, “Oh my God, that’s great! I love flaps!”
Jorge looked relieved I wasn’t revolted like most women, but also looked a little weirded-out by my obvious enthusiasm. If I wanted any chance at seeing this thing and possibly watching him clean it, I needed to dial down the crazy.
“I’ve never actually seen a flap in real life, but based on pictures I think they’re amazing! I thinks it’s a real shame most men are circumcise…..” I didn’t really help my case.
Luckily, Jorge decided to take a chance on a crazy, flap loving girl. When I eventually got to see and feel his flap, I was like a coke head who had just done their first line. I was hooked.
Experiencing the flap was even better than I could have ever imagined. I was mesmerized by how it disappeared right before my very eyes whenever his penis grew. It was the ultimate magic show and I had a front row seat! The first time I saw this dazzling show occur I almost passed out from sheer joy.
I spent many a day’s playing with Jorge’s flap. I learned it wasn’t just pleasing to the eyes. It could also provide hours of flappy fun. I could blow it into a bubble, use it to keep my finger tip warm if they were ever cold, and it became my favorite bathtub companion. I loved filling his flap with water and squirting it out, just like a water gun. Who would have thought an extra piece of skin could bring me such happiness?
After learning of its true magic I became a flap activist. I felt it was wrong that flaps got such a bad rap and were considered gross and dirty. Any chance I got I would preach about the marvelous wonders of the flap. I even made myself a t-shirt that read “Flap Master.” I felt I had come to the point where I deserved the title.
