I have to admit. I’m really distraught over something. I just feel the phrase “Fuck my Ass” is far too often overlooked. It keeps getting shown up by its’ counter parts: fuck, damn it, shit, motherfucker, god damn it, Jesus Christ, and son of a bitch.
After much thought, I believe the source of this problem could be confusion about the proper use of this phrase. Its’ use is not just limited to drunken, sexual outbursts.
Let me give some examples of situations that merit usage of this phrase to avoid any further confusion. You drive all the way to Chick-fil-a only to realize it’s Sunday. You lick an envelope and get paper cuts on the creases of your mouth. You figure out cocaine really is addictive. You’re in a middle of a gratifying poop and realize you’re out of toilet paper. You decide to try the rhythm method and remember your periods are irregular (even better in this case, because the phrase has double meaning). You have an encounter with an elderly person. You fall down. You get a UTI (Caution: This could be caused by use of the phrase….. Oh, fuck my ass, that’s how I got it!).
Ok, I hope I have cleared everything up. Now, go on…. say it, “Fuck…My…Ass!!” Make sure the F has a little pop to it and pause shortly between each word. It gives it a more dramatic, classier feel. Now go out there and make me proud!
